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Desperate times are clearly calling for (inexcusable) desperate measures.

24 Jan

When did it become socially acceptable to be a complete stalking loser!? This week has presented itself with my own personal stalker who only God alone knows where he got my number from – but Whatsapp is not a stalking device pal. So bugger off already, you’re irritating me.

Then what I’m going to tell you about now is just on another whole level. The Accomplice sent me a link to a blog – here’s the link –

It’s basically a blog that was created to find Kristine. Who is British. And was at O’Malley’s pub in Muscat. Yes – very detailed description isn’t it!? This guy is desperately looking for her because he wants to talk to her. Talk to her!? I say more like stalk her.

Now listen – I’ll be diplomatic and say that maybe there is some crazy reason why he would need to do this. Actually no, there is NO real reason why anyone should be allowed to act like such a muppet. I’m appalled. Clearly desperate times are calling for some serious desperate measures here. But for me – this type of behaviour is just inexcusable and I can’t help but my crack my head off at the utter sadness of this! I have this vision of this “The Guy from the Bar” sitting back at the same bar, in the same place where he met her, night in and night out, hovered over a pint whilst waiting for his KRISTINE to turn up for a drink and then he’s going to POUNCE! Jump the poor girl’s bones and it’s all going to go tits up with her klapping him, security turns up and drags him away kicking and screaming for Kristine and it ends up with restraining orders etc etc. This is how it’s going to happen. In my mind.

If she wanted to talk to you buddy, you would have her phone number right now and would not be desperately trawling yourself on the internet trying to find her. If she’s just not that into you, she’s just not that into you.

I think this must be some kind of joke. I can’t see how someone would actually do this for real!? Will the real stalker please stand up. Make yourself known.

Miss M x


#GiveItHorns. Stop Rhino poaching already.

10 Jan

I just watched this You Tube video that a mate posted. Rhino poaching is a serious problem in South Africa and is just getting worse and worse. Watch this clip and you’ll just see just how serious and then share it. Do it.

This just breaks my heart. WTF is wrong with people!? Sick in the head I tell you.

Miss M x


Heppie heppie New Year. 2012 – own it!

4 Jan

So we’re a couple of days into it already but Happy happy New Year to you! I’m not going to bleat on about resolutions resosmooshins. Everyone has there own way of doing things so do what works best for you to make 2012 a phenomenal year. Just whatever you do, own it. I must say, I’m seriously looking forward to this year – so much on the horizon. But we’ll chat about this another time.

There’s so much for us to talk about right now though, as it has been a rather busy little time juggling between the silly season and work which is particularly difficult when in a country that does not celebrate Christmas or New Years. Note to self: take the week off this year, you’re not Wonder Woman (even though sometimes I like to play pretend pretend and think that I am).

Wonder Woman - Gawd damn she's cool and the outfit is even cooler.

So there’s Christmas eve and day festivities, glorious days on long stretches of beach, table tennis challenges, Swan Lake at the Royal Opera House, Dubai trips, Abu Dhabi to see my gorgeous friend Pange over from South Africa who I have SO missed, Coldplay for New Years eve, Katy and Russel’s divorce, best friends engagements and bridesmaid honour (eeeeek) – I know, there’s just so much to banter on about I won’t be able to tell you all about everything. As I always say, some things are better left unsaid anyway.

Will be in touch soon with only the important details.

Remember – own it!

Miss M x

The Chedi. Ridiculous.

18 Oct

Everyone knows how much I love The Chedi. Visiting this stunning hotel for a stay, just dinner or glass of vino at the bar is just lurvely. We will most certainly be frequenting our favourite pool side bar this winter. They have just opened a sparkling new spa and gym facility which is quite the talk of the town at the minute. It will be right up there as possibly the most amazing pool to be spending your winter at. I’ve been to the Chedi spa before and it was incredible, so I can only imagine that this new one is going to be just out of this world. Sounds just perfect and I could so see me signing up. If you’re going to be an expat, you might as well just do it right, yes!?

The bus stops right here people. Membership to the Chedi is now RO 1900 for a year. SAY WHAAAAT!? Let me spell that out for you. This is forty thousand South African Ronds. For a membership to a hotel!? And no, I’m not taking the piss. In the good old Republic this is an obscene amount of money and I could think of a gazillion things to do with 40 000 hard currency. I’m not entirely sure what this RO 1900 buys you but I’m assuming the normal that you would get at most hotel memberships – pool access, discount at the spa and restaurants, use of the gym and well a naked man jumping out of a singing cake that dances on his head. Because for that kind of money my peaches, I would expect that.

On second thoughts – for RO 1900 you could check into into the Chedi for about 23 nights over the summer.

You do the maths.

Miss M x

Endless summer.

17 Oct

Since I have moved to the desert 3 and half years ago I have experienced 1 winter. Yes you read that right peach, 1 winter. This was at the end of 2008 when I went and frolicked around London with my favo man about town, Ricky Bee (miss you boy but see you soon)! I literally live an endless summer. There’s really no need to ever check the weather here as it’s either hot or hotter. Simple.

Of course, summer here is as hot as hell reaching temperatures of 60 degrees on the hottest of days but you just deal with it and run that A/C over time. I must say it’s quite amusing watching the rest of the world rant about weather. Peeps are never happy. They’re either whinging about the cold. Or bleating about the heat. Sho, tough crowd. Over here its winter that we are after here when the skies are blue, you see a few white clouds every now and then and your average days are between 27 – 35 degrees at a high and maybe 18 – 24 at a low. Have you ever!? It’s just perfect and it’s around about this time of year that I start loving being here again. At 18 I get cold. And need a jumper. Yes I know, I’m a drama queen. 

The beach for winter, yes definitely

Putting my new Grand Hyatt membership to full use at the pool, well, of course.

And yes, I will be sat right at this very pool bar with a Daquiri in my hand.

So in saying that I crave a proper winter. One with cold and rain. People would probably think you’re a nutter saying that but honestly, I am sick of seeing the sun. Hence my next holiday is going to be a cold one, in 17 sleeps time I might just add. One where I can put on my boots (the only 1 pair I have, sigh – I just so miss having a winter wardrobe.) a coat, scarves, hats, gloves – can’t wait! And because my winter wardrobe is literally nonexistent it’s the perfect excuse to shop. Thank you very much, I will.

You shall see me shopping on Oxford Street, wining and dining around London town, watching shows and gigs, having early red vino to warm up in the pub and just having an all round fab time.

There will be exploring and being helluva naughty with one of my fav tarts in beautiful Edinburgh, Scotland.

And of course, the pub. Love a good pub. We’ll be spending a fair amount of time here.

I do only want a real winter for a week, then I’ll be over it and can make my way back to the sunshine. I just love when the desert winter pulls into town. There is suddenly just so much to do! For the next couple of weeks there’s The Script in Muscat. Oktoberfest at the Grand Hyatt. Outdoor dinners for birthdays. ODC beach parties. There will be plenty of braai’s, pool parties, rugby matches, adventures into the interior to wadi’s and Snake Gorge (eeek) and dare I say it, camping – God bless my soul.

Get your winter on desert rats and get involved. The fun bus just rolled into town.

Miss M x

Snake Gorge – Oman. Before.

10 Oct

I nearly be-kakked myself when I heard that there was a place in Oman called Snake Gorge. I am absolutely petrified of snakes. I can’t even look at them on TV without hyperventilating, never mind see them in real life. So the thought of a gorge filled with snakes just makes me want to cry. Literally sit down and cry my brown eyes out. Tissue please. However, this is not what it is. OMG. Thank fek.

Snake Gorge is actually a fault cut that is about 100 or so feet wide at the top but 300-400 feet deep. The surrounding rock layers are ancient seafloor basalts (ophiolites) that were shoved up over the top of the Arabian sub-continent during a major plate collision. It stretches for only 3 km’s but can take 2 – 4 hours to walk through as there are jumps into pools, swimming, caves etc.

Right, so that’s the gorge from up top.

And on ground level.

So, I’ve heard so much about it. Good and bad. I’ve heard that the jumps are SO hectic. Up to 10 meters mind you into deep dark holes which you are not quite sure whether they are deep enough. If a flash bit of rain hits the area the gorge will fill up with torrents of water and you’ll drown. If you do the 1st jump, there is no turning back – you have to power on through. If you get to the cave and water level is too high then you have to swim under water for ages before getting through to the other side. If the cave water is too low there’s dead goats in it. Some other people say that it’s a lovely day out and the jumps into the water are not all that bad, it’s out right awesome and beautiful.


So, I’ve decided to go and see what all the hype is about myself with a group of my peaches. I love an opinion so I’m going to go and get my own about Snake Gorge. That way, I will know. So I’m going to “chick up” and DO IT. I guess I’ve almost pledged to go now so best I do that. Pinky promise. The only thing that would stop me going is the weather forecast and if rain is on the cards, I’m flagging (cos that bit about the gorge flooding is tres true).

Not going to lie here peaches, a little nervy. I’m no scardy cat, but I think I’m just a little reserved. Adventure Miss M will be out this weekend in Snake Gorge earning my weekend bevvie (or 5) for afterwards. I promise to give my perfectly honest opinion on Snake Gorge after I have been there hopefully with some pics (been waiting for an excuse to make a ridiculous purchase of a waterproof camera. Voila – here it is).  Snake Gorge – Oman. After. to follow, well, afterwards (if I make it out of the blerry gorge).

Desert winter loving. And yes Mom, no panicking now please. It’ll be fine.

Miss M x

Wiki Wednesday.

28 Sep

It’s the weekend in the desert. T minus 3 hours. Yes please. Bring it!

I’m having a little bitter sesh today though, even though it is the weekend. Being a tad of a princess about it really but literally everyone here is going away on holiday. Pick your destination people – Dubai, Sri Lanka, Ireland, South Africa, New Zealand… and I’m sure there are more. I’m not jealous at all! Can you tell!? OK but on a serious note, I hope all you amaze desert friends have a fabulous time away, safe travels and I can’t wait to get all my presents from all of you on your return. Lovely.

Capetonians are all having a fat panic today about the power cut all over the city. Eskom is literally priceless – hiking up electricity rates to a ridic levels by adding 30% for um, what exactly!? So even though it’s not yet your weekend you can pretend it is. My fellow peaches. Pull yourselves towards yourselves. Here’s what you do in the case of a power cut:

1. Beach (obviously)

Chillax on Camps Bay beach – pure bliss.

If beach fails then, option 2:

2. Go to the bar. I’m sure the vino and brewski’s are still chilly.

Tjing tjing Rooftop Bar in the City Bowl. Just fab.

My preferred option would be option 3:

3. Go to the beach and hit Camps Bay strip for a bevvie, which is just on the beach obviously.

The trusty old Caprice.

You should all be thanking Eskom. At least when you have power cuts in Cape Town you’re not left with no air conditioner in the desert in 50 degree heat. I’m just saying.

Much to look forward to: it’s turning to winter in the desert so days are perfect, sun, pool, bevvies, farewell parties  (sob, sob), The Accomplice is home, Springboks winning, again and just an all round fabulous weekend to be had.

Cheers to the freakin weekend peaches!

Miss M x


Facecloth. Miss M’s 101 guide.

19 Sep

Everyone uses it. So don’t sit there pretending that you’re too cool for the Book. Because you’re not my peach! Some things I like, some things I don’t and other things just out right irritate the hell out of me. Here’s my my 2 cents worth. Use it. Don’t. Whatever.

  • Facebook is not the place for your relationship issues. If he’s cheated on you then sort it out behind closed doors, not on Facebook people, seriously now. Like posting to your ex’s wall that “I hate you and wish I had never known you, you fat asshole” is um, not cricket.
  • Only check into places that you actually check into. Like an airport or hotel. You don’t “check in” to your house. Is there a lobby as you enter your house that you have to go check into? No. So really!? I will allow actual places that you go out to, sometimes. But not all the time. Just sometimes.
  • Don’t tag a mate in a photo where they look like shite but you look good. In fact, don’t even post the photo. Mates are more important than your shameful vanity.
  • Your status is not the forum for your baby’s face or bum rash. Or your rash for that matter. If your baby has a rash take them to the doctor, phone a friend, go to the chemist – don’t ask for advice on Facebook puh-lease. I’m begging.
  • If your better half is cutting you out of their profile picture they’re probably just not that into you. Shite one if you’re relationship status reads married right now. Oops.
  • Only change your Facebook relationship status when you’re pretty sure you’re FBO (Facebook official). This is big step for some people. No names mentioned. It’s just plain awkward when people go from single, to in a relationship, to it’s complicated, to single in the space of 2 weeks. Cringe.
  • On that note, don’t break up with someone on Facebook. That’s just mean. I’d say it’s worse than Carrie’s Post It note from Burger on Sex and the City. Ouch.
  • Farmville, Vampire wars and Gawd knows what else there is!? We are not bovvered. Sending invites to water your Farmville crops is just not allowed. Not now, not ever. You hear me, ever.
  • Don’t update your status every 5 minutes. It’s a tad OTT. You’re obliged being a Facebook user to have a status from time to time, not every 5 minutes. If it’s every 5 minutes that you want – get onto to Twitter. That’s the place for you my peach.
  • Your status is also not a place for massive vents. Go smash a punching bag, grab a glass of wine, whatever it is you do to vent – not vent on your Facebook status. Also, don’t be elusive. Example:
    • Mary’ status: I’m feeling so depressed today.
    • Poppy comments – why Mary?
    • Mary comments – don’t worry.

That’s just lame, stop looking for attention – don’t waste your time posting it in the 1st place. I just get irritated even reading that now.

One mahoosive fatality is disowning a friend on Facebook. Shock, horror, gasp. This could be a fail of epic proportions. It’s become a part of our daily conversation. So you and your boyfriend break up or you and a friend have a fall out over something and you’re telling your girlfriends and as sure as hell someone will ask – are you going to disown him on Facebook? Or are you still Facebook friends? It cracks me up. We all do it though. So here’s what I think:

  • De-friend people that you never want to see or speak to in your life again. Not just because of the way you’re feeling at the time. You’re going to feel like a real muppet face if you crawl back and send them a friend request. I actually think people are more offended nowadays to be de-friended on Facebook than actually having a real life fall out. Have you ever!? Well, that’s the way it seems anyways.
  • If you’re friends with people on Facebook that you would see in randomly in the street and not stop and say hello to – then de-friend them. You’re not friends.
  • Same goes for sending a friend request – don’t do it unless you know the person. Facebook is not online dating crazy stalkers. Seriously.
  • Sending a friend request to someone is not sending them a marriage proposal. So puh-lease, calm yourself tart.

And that’s my 2 cents worth. My top topics to take note of.

You thought it. I just said it.

Miss M x

I’ll have a 12″. Extra mayo. And a cow please.

3 Jul

I’ve been asked by a few peeps when my next post to my blog will be, why I haven’t been writing etc etc. Totally flattered to say the least that a some friends actually look forward to reading my very random ramblings that are “oh so” profound. Insert – happy dance here! I’ve just been a little preoccupied I guess – my headspace is being slightly rented. BUT. Yesterday I saw something that is just too good not to share. Do not judge. Do not say I am mean. This is my blog and I shall say as I please. Thank you kindly.

Busy day at work, I popped out of the office at lunch time to Subway. They do a good tuna salad and I quite like it because I’m so fussy on what goes into my salads, so it’s ideal cos I can pick and choose, NO TOM’s people, eeeeeuuuw. They also do a good turkey sarmie. There was an Aunty in front of my in the que. I kept looking at her and was thinking to myself – I never want to be like that when I’m older (cos I’m still very very young now). Hair scraped back and dirty, awful taste in shoes, cracked heels and manky toe nails, no make up – just terrible taste. Full stop. Now don’t go judging me for saying these things, you would’ve thought the same thing! She reminded me of the scrunchie lady that I had encountered in the supermarket once! Remember that Aunty! Here to recap – She’s still my fav, the old Scrunchie Aunty. They must be friends. Must be.

She then ordered. A 12” sandwich. Who does that? Ladies shouldn’t order 12”. Surely not!? Fatty. She even asked for more sauce cos the sarmie smothered in mayo was not enough. Oh Em Gee. I thought maybe she’s taking it back to her office to share with a friend? No, no.  It gets worse peaches. She then asked for a Diet Coke. Now listen up here Aunty, Diet Coke is only effective as part of a controlled diet. Not an “I’ll have a 12” white roll with extra extra mayo diet and as many toppings as possible” and then shovel it down my gullet in about 5 mins flat, mayo leaking out the side of your mouth. I was horrified to say the least. I told the Accomplice the story and the 1st thing he asked was “Was she married!?” I think he knows me too well by now. Well of course not! And of course I checked. That’s just me. Who would want to sit across the table and watch this Aunty demolishing her Subway sarm.

I do love my people watching. The things you see are just too good. Usually I don’t tell people what I think when I people watch, but this had to be said. To top it off she left Subway and walked straight into Costa next door. For what!? Dessert!? Yusses Aunty – go home already. By this stage I had had enough of my people watching for the day – this Aunty was a pearler – and jumped in my car back to the office.

Miss M and people watching 1. Subway Aunty 0.

Miss M x

Peach in the P’ines. With a backpack.

20 Apr

Ok my lovely’s, as most are aware (cos I just simply won’t shut my pie hole about it) I’m off to the Philippines next week Wednesday for 2 whole weeks of remote island bliss. No work, no CrackBerry, 7 more sleeps – P FOR PUMPED!

As usual with me, it’s a spontaneous trip. I rang up The Bestie a month or so back. She’s a teacher, teaching in China, so is obviously always on holiday (don’t even get me started) and she and her man, The Naked Chef, are forever away to exotic places in and around South East Asia. So – it was a case of where and when!? Philippines. May. Thought about it a few days. Ok – I’m in. Simple. And best of all I get to spend it with some of my fav peaches – in the world!

So here’s the plan.

From Dubai – fly to Manila. Stay in Manila. Meat the Mountain Goats (check these 2 out – they’re nutters and I love them dearly in Manila at sparrows fart the next morning.

Fly to Cebu. Stay in Cebu. Fly to Surigao. Take a boat to Siargoa Island, pronounced Shar-gow . 6 nights of paradise – here.

Yes peaches, believe it. This is where I’ll be.

And then the next week, um, not quite sure yet – on another island of course with The Mountain Goats frolicking around with coconut drinks in hand in the sun. TBC. Love a little spice, uncertainty and spontaneity to an adventure.

ONE PROBLEM PEACHES. I got a glimpse of the backpack I will be taking last night and promptly asked The Queen of Bubbles, “Is this for carry-on luggage!?” “Um, no – this is it.” She told me, quite confidently, as she does. Fark! Shock, horror! “HOW I SCREAMED”, distraught!? And she still attempted to tell me that you can actually fit a lot in there. OK so here’s the solution – for once in my life I will need to actually pack in advance. How I usually do packing (whether it be to South Africa, Bali, London, even just Dubai for the weekend – whatever) is that an hour before I need to be at the airport I throw as much as possible into a suitcase, neatly, shower and fly down our curved marble staircase with a mahoosive suitcase trailing behind me nearly knocking myself down the stairs, running out of the house, cab driver already waiting outside for the last 30 minutes and almost always turn up at the airport late. But I get to where I’m going with everything I need is the bottom line, so it works as far as I’m concerned.

But for this trip I don’t want to be trying to haul a massive suitcase onto a little boat, which no doubt you will probably have to jump off into the water on the other side and carry my mahoosive suitcase on my head – um, I think not. This is not a good look. I need to look effortless – a well seasoned island traveler that knows exactly what she is doing, with my backpack and 15 kg’s of essentials. I’m thinking costumes, head bands (of course!), sarongs, beach dresses, beach hat and flip flops. That should be about it. And obviously my GHD and bag of MAC make up. This will stay. Don’t even try take this away from me.

You can still backpack and be fabulous.

Miss M x