Facecloth. Miss M’s 101 guide.

19 Sep

Everyone uses it. So don’t sit there pretending that you’re too cool for the Book. Because you’re not my peach! Some things I like, some things I don’t and other things just out right irritate the hell out of me. Here’s my my 2 cents worth. Use it. Don’t. Whatever.

  • Facebook is not the place for your relationship issues. If he’s cheated on you then sort it out behind closed doors, not on Facebook people, seriously now. Like posting to your ex’s wall that “I hate you and wish I had never known you, you fat asshole” is um, not cricket.
  • Only check into places that you actually check into. Like an airport or hotel. You don’t “check in” to your house. Is there a lobby as you enter your house that you have to go check into? No. So really!? I will allow actual places that you go out to, sometimes. But not all the time. Just sometimes.
  • Don’t tag a mate in a photo where they look like shite but you look good. In fact, don’t even post the photo. Mates are more important than your shameful vanity.
  • Your status is not the forum for your baby’s face or bum rash. Or your rash for that matter. If your baby has a rash take them to the doctor, phone a friend, go to the chemist – don’t ask for advice on Facebook puh-lease. I’m begging.
  • If your better half is cutting you out of their profile picture they’re probably just not that into you. Shite one if you’re relationship status reads married right now. Oops.
  • Only change your Facebook relationship status when you’re pretty sure you’re FBO (Facebook official). This is big step for some people. No names mentioned. It’s just plain awkward when people go from single, to in a relationship, to it’s complicated, to single in the space of 2 weeks. Cringe.
  • On that note, don’t break up with someone on Facebook. That’s just mean. I’d say it’s worse than Carrie’s Post It note from Burger on Sex and the City. Ouch.
  • Farmville, Vampire wars and Gawd knows what else there is!? We are not bovvered. Sending invites to water your Farmville crops is just not allowed. Not now, not ever. You hear me, ever.
  • Don’t update your status every 5 minutes. It’s a tad OTT. You’re obliged being a Facebook user to have a status from time to time, not every 5 minutes. If it’s every 5 minutes that you want – get onto to Twitter. That’s the place for you my peach.
  • Your status is also not a place for massive vents. Go smash a punching bag, grab a glass of wine, whatever it is you do to vent – not vent on your Facebook status. Also, don’t be elusive. Example:
    • Mary’ status: I’m feeling so depressed today.
    • Poppy comments – why Mary?
    • Mary comments – don’t worry.

That’s just lame, stop looking for attention – don’t waste your time posting it in the 1st place. I just get irritated even reading that now.

One mahoosive fatality is disowning a friend on Facebook. Shock, horror, gasp. This could be a fail of epic proportions. It’s become a part of our daily conversation. So you and your boyfriend break up or you and a friend have a fall out over something and you’re telling your girlfriends and as sure as hell someone will ask – are you going to disown him on Facebook? Or are you still Facebook friends? It cracks me up. We all do it though. So here’s what I think:

  • De-friend people that you never want to see or speak to in your life again. Not just because of the way you’re feeling at the time. You’re going to feel like a real muppet face if you crawl back and send them a friend request. I actually think people are more offended nowadays to be de-friended on Facebook than actually having a real life fall out. Have you ever!? Well, that’s the way it seems anyways.
  • If you’re friends with people on Facebook that you would see in randomly in the street and not stop and say hello to – then de-friend them. You’re not friends.
  • Same goes for sending a friend request – don’t do it unless you know the person. Facebook is not online dating crazy stalkers. Seriously.
  • Sending a friend request to someone is not sending them a marriage proposal. So puh-lease, calm yourself tart.

And that’s my 2 cents worth. My top topics to take note of.

You thought it. I just said it.

Miss M x

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2 Responses to “Facecloth. Miss M’s 101 guide.”

  1. Cocktail Party September 20, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    Good One:)

  2. Rochelle September 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    awesome comments and sooo true!!

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