Cocktales. PG 16.

15 Aug

Now before I continue, don’t get on your moral high ground here puh-lease. When you read what I have to say you will be able to relate in some way or another. We have all been in a situation at some time or another in pubs, clubs, festivals etc where some drunken muppet has done something absolutely ridiculous – like vomit, smash a glass or beer tin on their head, piss in a cup etc etc. As men do, when they get really drunk, they lose a bit of their sense of normality. It can sometimes be funny and other times out right devastating. Now, I’m not saying that woman don’t misbehave. Women have been known to do some really pathetic things when under the influence, but, what I will say is that the level of patheticness is usually higher with men. The reason why I think this is that when they’re out in their wolf packs for a night on the town, spurring each other on, sh*t does go down.

You get what I’m saying here.

This weekend in Dubai we saw something so traumatizing and I’m not sure whether I would like to delete the scene from my head forever, but, the devil on my shoulder is saying DON’T!!! Because every time I think about it I chuckle to myself. Well not quite chuckle in a lady like manner, more like burst out with laughter. As I do.

So here’s what happened.  We finished our lovely dinner and vino with our fabulous crew of 6 on Thursday evening and headed to Mai Thai in Dubai for a few cocktails. Or should I say cocktales. Sipping ever so happily on my Singapore Symphany Scottish Lass was standing next to me and says, “is that guy getting his c*ck out!?” So I had look and said to her, “NO, it just can’t be, who does that? Must be a plastic dildo or something and he’s doing it for a laugh because his mates dared him to or something.” But no, it wasn’t so. Horrifired I screamed out in a dramatic Miss M manner – “that guy has his c*ck out!” It wasn’t long before the people standing at the bar next to him had bolted away from the man standing there with his lad hanging out of his jean pant, top button still done, and  just the snake like creature peeping out of the hole.

Well, we were all hysterical to say the least. A mixture between crazy laughter, disgust and shock. But this story is not yet over. He then started to stand loud and proud with a really smug and content look on his face and pee all over the floor!!! He kind of swayed from side to side like a sprinkler watering a garden. At this point The GG leapt for her life towards her Gucci bag on the floor screaming “Gucci does not appreciate pee!!!” and jumped away for fear of getting pee’d on, Gucci handbag firmly held against her. Every single person in Mai Thai was staring at the really sad looking guy standing there with his boy out, peeing all over the place. He was in no wolf pack (poor thing, I felt quite sorry for our Nigel no mates here), totally on his own so you can’t blame any of his mates as none were to be seen. He just must have been so hammered and… well, I can’t even rationalize what might have been going through his head. The head on his shoulders that is.

To top it off a little waiter came over with a square napkin and tried to cover the offender. It was almost like a matador in a bull fight, waving his little square flag over the man’s goods. HILARIOUS. The bouncer tried to remove him but how do you remove a peeing man without getting pee’d on!? He had to stand there and wait for him to finish, and no lies, he went on for about 3 – 4 minutes.

Well, I have never. I have seen some seriously drunken maneuvers in my days but THIS has to fall into at least the top 3. At least.

Get your Cocktale at Mai Thai. Shock. Horror. Gasp.

Miss M x

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